The Pigs' Christmas Dinner

~with apologies to Lewis Carroll

"O human child, come walk with us!"
The Left Pig did recite.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Through snow so coldly white:
Our modest clovers cover us
From winter’s frosty bite."

The plump young nipper hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
His coat was brushed, his face was washed,
His fur hat clean and neat--
His stockings pulled up to his knees
His boots on tiny feet

The Left Pig and the Right Pig
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And the little human child stood
And waited in the snow

"The time has come," the Left Pig said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"A loaf of bread," the Left Pig said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, stripling dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on me!" the bambino cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Left Pig said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Right Pig said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Left Pig said,
"To play him such a trick,
After we've brought him out so far,
And made him trot so quick!"
The Right Pig said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"O urchin," said the Right Pig,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten someone’s son