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Your Wife's Judgement

Your Wife's Judgement

I just love these things; wooden plaques with "clever" sayings painted on. They used to be a staple of vacation cabins and other houses with wood panelling, but they seem to have quietly exited the pop cuture slag heap. I haven't even found a cutesy name for the things on ebay, and that's sad.

There are several different categories of cheesy souvenir plaques, all seemingly done by one embittered artist who loved golf and fishing and hated his wife, wielding a clumpy brush dipped in vitriol. Cheesy plaques can be divided into two main categories: Home and Away.


Home:
Women (subcategories are wives and blondes)
Wives: always huge, always holding a rolling pin, always on the warpath. A Wife requires a “Bedroom Mood-Meter”, has a scary mother, is a terrible cook, and if over 40 is sexually unstoppable.
Blondes: Young, beautiful, out of reach
The Bathroom: outhouses and skunks figure big here
The Kitchen: Shut up and eat, more rolling pins, pardon the mess

Away:
Sports: Fishing and Golfing, best done if the wife and boss aren’t aware you’re slacking off

There is, of course, a third category, and that is “Humorous Drunks”. Once upon a time drunks were funny and endearing, but the execrable movie “Arthur” put an end to that. No longer do you see the iconic “drunk leaning on lamppost” statues and lamps in every parlor. Sometimes the sculptor got really wacky and made a drunk clown…but that is a post for another day.

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