Breeder Bingo Card

Two events happened in the last week, which spurred me to finish this little project I’ve had in mind for a while.

First, yet another Fert-litter was born, on March 30 in Seattle. Only five this time, so they probably won’t get the endorsements an End-Times-indicating seven would receive. In Brian W. Aldiss' 1965 "The Saliva Tree" the horror was based in the idea of the sheer wrongness of human women having litters of babies. Yet now it’s become routine. Only the escalating size of the numbers is exciting.

Meanwhile, this guy has come out and said what the smart people have already figured out; in an interconnected biosphere with limited resources, there are too many people, and at some point we have to say, “Give it a rest”. In a time when the world is warming, the ice caps are melting, and non-human species die off every day, it seems obvious that people need to put the brakes on the breeding. People are stupid though. Instead of realizing we’re about to hit a wall, we’ll ignore it by celebrating the latest triumph of science over good sense. And we’ll revile Cassandra.

Extra special thanks to Erin for the funky typeface, and to Phil for remembering the Saliva Tree.

Comments

[Kate]

Where do I start with the bingos, where do I start...

I'm glad I now have a colour card to whip out and check off whenever I get bingoed.

[Kamala]

Nice one. Pretty much sums it up.
Boy these quintuplet people are real geniuses eh? Spending who knows how much money to create 5 new artificial weakling babies hooked to tubes when they don't have the means to care for them all and they already had one kid. Yay! What an AMAZING MIRACLE! God clearly did it! Adopting already existing kids in need of help just wasn't going to cut it huh? What fabulous Christians. And their church is congratulating their wonderful choice by raising money to build them a new house! Go donate money here!

5ontheway.com/

(you may barf when you see site, don't say I didn't warn you)
My head hurts.

[Kamala]

Looks like you don't get worshipped and pampered as much when your quintuplets aren't pasty little white things:

"Few Answering Quintuplets' Needy Cries"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/12/AR2005111201159.html

[Kipling]

I've heard at least half of those from my own mother. If I get a full card, do I win a toaster?

[Christian Brood Marm]

I home school my 12 children and the Lord has blessed us.

You have a FEW reasons for not having children, but here are 101 reasons for having children, o ye barren heathen!

http://www.aboverubies.org/articles/101.html

[Janet]

Thank You, Christian Brood Marm! Speak the Truth, Sister!
101 reasons indeed! My personal favorite is #5: "It's an honor for the Lord to use my womb again." These poor angry folks must be jealous because they have never known the joys of having the Lord move betwixt their wombs.

[Barren Karen]

Yikes. What a scary pink mess.
I especially like numbers 14, 15, 29, 80, 92, 93, 95. Totally selfless reasons for having babies. Yup.

[Twixy Womb]

Sure we know the joy of the Lord. He just uses condoms with us.

[Beans]

Holy crap! This stuff is weirding me out. I'll add my little two cents: if women are suppose to be in touch with their bodies and are put here by God to create new life, then you would think that women would also be in touch with where it all comes from - Mother Nature. If Mother Nature is suffering because we are over-populating, then what do you think will eventually happen? She'll have an abortion.

[Capt. Surly]

I think the Earth's abortion has already begun. That professor speaks the truth. Yep, the Earth is about to shake a whole bunch of us off like fleas. Hey, is that an asteroid I see? Waaahoooooooo!!!

[Kate]

Geez, Capt. Surly, don't freak me out. I was watching the Discovery channel at 3 am and watching a bit on if an asteroid 500 km across hit Earth in the western pacific. Japan would be instantly vapourized, all land life would spontaneously combust by a 6000C heat wave within an hour, and the seas would boil off and dry up with in a day. And you know what it's like watching that late at night...

I've seen the 101 reasons, makes me want the asteroid option instead!

[katy]

I love it. If having kids is so wonderful that you'll love it if you try it, how come so many people are now stopping at one?

By the way, you never EVER forget the pain of child birth. However, sleep deprivation does tend to make you forget much of the first six months of your child's life.

You forgot a reason. Slave labor.

[Cranky McCrankenstein]

The whole thing is, the Breeder Bingo card isn't anti-kid. It's just 'sick of the same stupid comments over and over and over again', which isn't the fault of kids. Kids don't really care if you do or don't have kids.

It's pretty clear to me if you read the outraged comments by that one guy about "Dr. Doom" that he missed out a lot of the conversation, and he's a guy with no sense of humor and a very literal take on things. I doubt a room full of anyone would clap and cheer at the idea that 90% of the human population was gonna die a horrible death. I can see a scientist praising the killing power of a virus and other scientists laughing if it was said in a funny way; but they are scientists and able to separate that stuff in order to get their work done. Knowing something is very powerful and dangerous, but making a bit of fun of it is one way to handle it.

As for Fert-Litters...I don't see the point. God DIDN'T want you to have babies, you brainless ape. Quit pestering him to take care of the ones you foisted on him.

[Denise Giago]

BINGO!

[Bob]

I really enjoyed reading all these comments. There is so much pressure to have children. I really like kids I don't have any, nor feel the need to be a parent in order to fulfill my destiny. People who have kids can get so tiresome, like people who quit drinking -- suddenly they understand the meaning of life!

[Noelle]

Fertlitter? Breeder Bingo? You aren't a denizen of ASCF, are you?? :)

[Kipling]

Guilty. At least, I used to read it years ago. I got tired of the trolls and flame wars, but there were some cool folks on there...how is Gutterboy these days, anyway?

[gothceltgirl]

I hear pretty much most of the same comments again and again. Especially the 'what about when you get old' and 'you'll change your mind'. Luckily I have a best friend who, although has a son herself & wants another one (although she knows it isn't prudent at this time)understands my views and is very supportive of my life choice, as are all of my friends.

[doo dah...]

I googled Breeder bingo card because I was working on one of my own for an art project I am doing. How pleased I was to come upon this site. Some great artwork here.

I am not a member of ASCF, but I am CF. Funny that people just can't seem to shut up about being parents and have to bingo your breeder bingo card. 101 reasons my foot.

[Mrs. Ogre]

These breederisms and the 101 reasons are in fact reasons not to have any children.

[Rochelle Rochelle]

Wow. These are amazing. My fundie evangelical mom & sis would looove that thing, but it scares the everliving shit out of me. And I'm trying right now to decide kids-or-no-kids, so ... scales just tipped a little in favor of "no" just now. Ugh.

[Oni]

While i will always respect one's desire NOT to have a child. I will NEVER understand my siblings who dont want to have a child but will keep on bugging me to see my son who is only 4. If my siblings are adamant on not having a child, then that siblings should not have any desire to develop a relationship to my son. I am now keeping my son from my siblings. BTW, they are also married. (My parents are still alive and married.) Neither of them has a child. But they keep on bugging me to see my son. Conclusion: the number is not healthy, and unbalanced. Right now my spouse and I are planning to move out-of-state as soon as I find a job there, in order to get away from the unhealthy environment. So, for people who want to be child-free, sometimes, i believe, some of them are not entirely honest with themselves.

[Kipling]

Wait...your siblings don't want to have kids and therefore should not have a desire to develop a relationship with your kid...what? Maybe your kid is really cute and charming, maybe your siblings think the idea of family is important, maybe they just honestly like the little bugger. Childfree means people who love kids but don't want their own, or people who are utterly indifferent to kids, or people who loathe kids...or half a million variations of all these feelings, depending on the day and the situation. Your son is lucky to have aunts and/or uncles who care about him, how on earth is that a bad thing?

And since this bingo card is getting several hundred views a week, for all you lurkers, let me point out something I've noticed on all the childfree boards and newsgroups and mailing lists I've been on over the past decade or so; most childfree people are smart enough to put the blame for obnoxious behavior in children directly where it belongs: on the PARENTS.

[Canaduck]

Wait a second--your siblings don't want children of their own, so therefore they should be lousy aunts and uncles and ignore your kid? What kind of logic is that? I myself love children but don't want any of my own for various reasons, both health-related and ethical, and the implication that I should be denied relationships with young members of my family because of it is insulting.

[søren]

Do you by any chance know the name of that typeface? I've been looking for it. Thanks!
And this card cracks me up.