Like a good many people, summer for me means elephant ears and fried Snickers at the state fair, hot buttered popcorn at the drive-in, and all-you-can-eat barbecue at Smokey's Iron Pig. As a result, I've put on some summer weight. When I swim, my wake rocks oil tankers. So I'm eating fruit. And fruit is weird. It's mottled and weird and quickly rots. It sits in the bowl, mocking me. Fruit is chilly, while fast food is gregarious and warm! Always happy to see me! Sure, it's a con, but hey, I'm game. Fruit, on the other hand, has no advertising to sucker me in, no cool graphics to seduce me, and no sugar or oil to tickle my innards, so why eat it? It's good for you.