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You know you've been art directed when you've been art directed by Sharon Osbourne!


If someone was naked it would be me, but I have this weird idea that I’ve somehow grown a mustache that can cover my whole body. It started with a prank for picture day my junior year of high school. At the same time I wasn’t trimming my pubes and I would lay naked for hours, after dental exercises with piece of floss on my chest running down to the spot where the thicket begins, but it’s impossible to determine where the dental hygiene ends and the nest is pure. These thoughts don’t get me off. They sicken me. I try to clear my head with thoughts of interior decorating from the mid seventies office rooted in Christian values, but floss isn’t tossed away. I just roll over and it falls off my chest, but still clings to certain areas and I think of baby blue walls, but instead of the unthreatening artwork on them I think of the story of the kid on my hockey team in high school who didn’t have a condom and instead tied himself off with a piece of dental floss.

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