foureyedbat

Dear Yahoo, now you are just confusing me

First Yahoo tries to entice me with advertisements about awful looking food, and now they're trying to sell me...well, actually I have no idea what they're trying to sell me now.

Dating for Douches

A confusing and unpleasant ad grabbed from my Facebook sidebar, this seems to be promoting love for single men with kids...but not single women with kids. Mothers need not apply.

I'm not a mother in search of a second chance at love, but if I were, I imagine this would feel a bit 'our kids are fine but yours aren't'. Basically it's a site looking for childless wanna-be stepmothers, which is perhaps a rather specialized demographic, and could be better targeted. Maybe a little truth in the ad copy would improve their chances? I suggest:

 "Single dads seeking childless women to do the work of mothering without the credit; to take all the blame whenever anything goes wrong in the family, to worship at the shrine of The Mother of His Children without question, and to be the instant Bad Guy in any situation."

 They might not get as many replies, but at least the ladies will know what they're in for.

Vintage Valentine: Very Strange Granny

Vintage Valentine: Very Strange Granny
Originally uploaded by pageofbats

How to eat a Kinder Egg

A Canadian woman was recently stopped and threatened with a fine at the US border for Possession of a Kinder Egg. Apparently these candies are considered a choking hazard to American children (but not children in the rest of the world).

The FDA prohibits import of food "containing non-nutritive components such as small plastic toys or objects which may be partially or completely embedded in the food product." Children under 3 are at risk for choking on the toys inside the egg, and therefore no one over 3 can enjoy a Kinder Egg in the safety of their own home. Granted, children under 3 will put just about anything in their mouths, but that's why their adults should read warning labels. It is not possible to make the world completely safe for people who will put anything into their mouths; it's a parent's job to keep tiny toys away from their kids until the gobbling stage passes.

As modeled here by Genuine Canadian Step Children™, the toy inside a Kinder Egg isn't something you would ever find in your mouth by accident. The thin chocolate shell splits in half. Inside is a not-very-easy-to-open small plastic capsule, and inside that is a toy and a paper set of directions. Like any other small toy, keep out of reach of tiny children.

Centaur Exterminators

It sounds almost like a spam header, but I can tell you as a Sagittarius I'm a little nervous.

 

Sign in apartment lobby, Astoria NY

Fashion in New York

I know it's wrong, but I simply can't resist taking pictures of young men and their silly pants fashion.

Russian Measles

A warning sign seen in a bookstore in Montreal.

Happy Poo, Happy Pee

  A photo of cheerful German porta potty signage, snagged from a brilliantly weird black humor journal about life on the rock 'n roll road: COMBICHRIST OFFICIAL TOUR BLOG by Joe Letz.

I crush your head...Albertosaurus!

We made our annual pilgrimage to the Royal Tyrrell Museum the other day; a girl was menaced and we were nearly eaten by an centrosaurus Albertosaurus skeleton. Fortunately my ninja head crushing skills were enough to save us all.

More headcrushing:

I crush your head...cassowary!

I crush your head...zebra!

I crush your head...mountain goat!

I crush your head...sparrow!

I crush your head...lemur!

I crush your head...giraffe!

Kava in the afternoon

Kava is supposed to have all sorts of mysterious and wonderful properties when drunk, but all I felt was a numb tongue and cold at the back of my throat. I've never been very good at drugs though so it might just be me.

It doesn't taste very nice (a bit like dirt) but if you prefer you can get your daily kava dose in chocolate bars made by the Wow-Wee Maui Candy company.

Wow-Wee Maui's Kava Bar, 333 Dairy Rd, Kahului, HI